Elephantpants

Still in love love love with RuPaul's drag race. So glad that Tatianna didn't get sent home - much better for it to be that annoying Jessica Wilde, what with her using her accent as a crutch and generally annoying the snot out of me...and honey, A+ to you for trying, but you just have a man face and there is not enough makeup for that. Ain't gonna happen. Whereas Tatianna makes a much prettier girl than I could ever hope to be.

When we were in San Francisco, we went to this bar, AsiaSF, which is a lot like RuPaul's drag race, just in person. Oh, and there is "dinner" beforehand, which consisted of the teeniest little mini crabcakes and peanut chicken skewers you have ever seen. That, combined with the fact that there was a three drink minimum, meant that my non-liquor-drinking self was pretty inebriated by the time the drag queens actually took the stage. Well, or the bar (you know, much classier.) So that partially explains my appearance in the following picture. Well, that and my makeup/outfit are not nearly as fabulous.


Seriously, tell me they don't look for real. How do I look like that in an outfit? I could use some tips. Okay, y'all are all going to think I'm crazy what with all this drag queen talk. I am just filled with admiration, I can't help it.

Moving on. It's spring break! That means I'm going to see Lia on Thursday since her birthday is tomorrow!) Until then though, I'm at the office a lot. I wish I could blog about work, because there is always something good going on. I mean today alone I heard about a million quotes that would make a million good blog posts for y'all, but alas, I just cannot be one of those people who blogs about work. Too risky, I says.

However, I can definitely blog about DC! And every time we go, fantastic blogging material always ensues.

Hope you're all enjoying magical spring (because that is what I think of spring - it is made entirely of magic). My finches have arrived, I expect the hummingbirds any day, the daffodils are blooming and the tulips have started coming up! I know, I'm such an old lady. I have a big old-lady thermometer out on my screened porch, which I consult religiously, since of course I can't trust the big fancy tv-station weather, those city slickers certainly have different weather since they're 20 miles away. I must know the EXACT TEMPERATURE on my back porch. Now I just need a rain gauge and some tomato plants. No but seriously, I'm putting out tomato plants. I already seeded the basil yesterday. Can't wait.

You would think I had already been into the wine, due to the entirely nonsensical nature of this post. I have not, sadly. There is no excuse. I think it's just because it's spring, and things don't have to make sense in spring. I might get out my pink and blue elephant pants and wear them to the office tomorrow. And yes, I have pink and blue elephant pants. Just like those, right there. They're capri pants. I have worn them with a pink shirt. Now you can blackmail me with my blog. Oh and I still have them. And they're that print, all over. Even the butt pockets.

dolla dolla bills, y'all

You know what I think is the most ridiculous thing ever? This horse crap in which we have decided that things must have odd prices. Why did my cup of coffee cost $2.67 at the gas station this morning? Well, plus tax, another odd amount of change. This gives me the choice of either digging around in my wallet for the 86 cents or whatever it is, or taking the change, throw it in my purse, and then have that crap jingling around my wallet.

One of these days, when I am in charge of the world (which will of course one day happen), we are going to have nice, round pretty numbers for everything, tax included. Maybe instead of a new tv costing $789.49, it could just cost $800. I could shell out eight hundred dollar bills (ha! to have eight hundred dollar bills!) and walk out of there with my shiny tv.

Is this too much to ask? Maybe I am the only person who is annoyed to no end by this because I have an almost psychotic aversion to math. Like seriously, I hate even trying to figure out how much I should tip at a restaurant. I want to whip out the iPhone and start multiplying and adding in the calculator, or at least write out the addition all over the receipt. But of course I can't do that, because for heaven's sake, I have a DEGREE, and I am in fancy lawyering school, should I not be able to do a simple math problem? Clearly I should not have passed second grade. So then I try to sweat out the numbers quickly, so as not to have table full of people staring at me whilst the panic voice in my head goes "OMG, WHAT IS $15.89 x 20% AND THEN WHAT IS THAT TOTAL, ARGHHH!!?"

Then I scratch out something on the receipt, say a little prayer that it's right, shove the ticket back in the folder and leave, thinking to myself for the next several minutes, "Did I do that right? Oh no, I didn't do that right and now the total is wrong and what will the poor server do because I have done the math wrong and screwed them out of half of the tip they deserved and how could I do that, THEY DID A GOOD JOB."

It's always better when someone else pays.