Christmas Against My Will

I have already gotten a ton of griping about the fact that I am already decorating for Christmas, but seriously, it is against my will. I totally agree that one should not celebrate Christmas on department store schedules, but our ridiculous town has decided that CLEARLY the most appropriate time to have the Christmas parade is the weekend before Thanksgiving. And since my parents' house is on the parade route, I feel like it's poor form to be all plain and undecorated and simultaneously have a million people over to watch the parade. You can't drink hot chocolate and watch all the marching bands, Boy Scout troops and Little-Miss-Whatevers without the Christmas junk FIRMLY IN PLACE.

Shouldn't this be my parents' responsibility, you ask? As I now have my own house and thus should not be responsible for decorating theirs? Well, yes, perhaps. But I'll just admit it: I'm something of a control freak about the Christmas tree. If the garland isn't draped exactly right, and the balance of red to gold ornaments and their distribution on the tree is incorrect, well then my panties will just be in a giant wad for the rest of the holiday season. Also, I am a Christmas tree snob. I think it's sweet that you have that ornament you made when you were in kindergarten, and those Barbie ornaments you collected for a year or two when you were ten, but KEEP THAT JUNK OFF MY TREE. Things must strictly conform to the Official Color Scheme From Which We Do Not Deviate. Also do not tell me that the Christmas tree is "no fun" if it doesn't have colored lights. NO NO. Maybe you also want to have Hamburger Helper and Vienna sausages for Christmas dinner (the quintessential trailer park supper). Maybe you also want to decorate your tree with the Elvis memorabilia you bought at the flea market. Perhaps you have been featured on peopleofwalmart.com. Colored lights = SO NOT APPROPRIATE.

So, while blaring the theme from Home Alone on repeat (you should download it if you don't have it, it's amazing), I created the final product:

TA - DAAAAAA!!!!

(close-up of The Color Scheme From Which We Do Not Deviate)

So please, do not judge me because I was responsible for the decorating of a Christmas tree on November 17th. My hands were tied.